Well, the whole fiasco that Seb's mother started by trying to break us up has been settled for the most part. There's still some dust to settle, but...at least we aren't at the point of breaking up.

I will say I do *not* like his mother, and I don't like her accusing me of being exactly what she is.

I do still need to talk to Seb about what exactly was said between him and her, but...all in all, the worst is over.

Thank god.

One of two people, both politicians...in a sense. >>;; But one's been dead roughly 50 years [Ran Chicago's politics in the 20's], the other somewhere around 500. [Ran England in the Early 1500's].

As for what question....would depend which one, and what mood I was in honestly.

My Invisible Disability

Things About My Invisible Disability You May Not Know



1. The disability I live with is: Borderline Personality Disorder [The other BPD]



2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: late 2005



3. But I had symptoms since: They started showing up roughly around 5th grade[ 2005-2006 I was a high school jr], but didn't really kick in until I got to high school


4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: Having to explain what it is to the people I've dated since.


5. Most people assume: That I don't really have a disorder since Borderline's symptoms are hard to pick out on their own ['Frantic efforts to avoid real and imagined abandonment'; 'Unstable self-image [Hate oneself one day, love oneself the next, ect]'; 'Inappropriate, intense anger'].



6. The hardest part about mornings are: Really, nothing that I haven't been dealing with for a long time.



7. My favorite medical TV show is: Uhh...House I guess? I don't watch much TV.



8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: My cellphone or computer. Both can help me out when I'm having a really rough time.



9. The hardest part about nights are: The nights when I feel really empty or my fear.paranoia of abandonment kick into over drive.



10. Each day I take Nothing, none of the pills have ever worked.



11. Regarding alternative treatments Therapy works on a hit of miss basis, and what works one day probably won't work the next. A large part of Borderline is mental instability, so that does make it hard for something to work consistently [outside of possible meds.]



12. If I had to choose between an invisible disability or visible I would choose: Honestly? I wouldn't choose either. But push comes to shove? visible.



13. Regarding working and career: It can be interesting since I can have drastic swings in how I feel about any given person [I love you! I hate you! I love you!], or thing. However, I've learned how to control myself well enough that I can huddle down and ride out the unpleasant swings without saying anything.



14. People would be surprised to know: That talking to me about things does help. For example, you showing up late, and I get very very angry, explaining that traffic/work/whatever held you up really will calm me down. Just because I can be very emotional doesn't mean that I don't understand something when it's explained.



15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: Dealing with people's reactions to being 'crazy'. [No, seriously, I've had someone tell me, after finding out, 'Crazy people scare me.']



16. Something I never thought I could do with my disability that I did was: Er...I honestly don't think about what I 'can't' do, if there's something I want to do, and I have the means to do it, I try it.



17. The commercials about my disability: I haven't seen any, but Borderline gets lumped in with Bipolar, and Depression more often than not.



18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: Well...this isn't so much something I used to do, but a career I wanted, and that was to go into the Navy. Now I can't because I'm not mentally stable enough to.



19. It was really hard to have to give up: The career I'd been planning on for years.


20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Various things, but none of them really had to do with the fact I had a disability.



21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: Just enjoy not having the emotional consequences of Borderline. Or, more realistically, spend most of the day shocked that it had disappeared.



22. My disability has taught me: Control over my emotions, and it's given me a wider range of things I can/will feel compassion for that I might not have had otherwise.



23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: When people make 'funny farm' jokes. Just because someone has a mental disorder doesn't mean they need to be in an asylum.



24. But I love it when people: make an attempt to understand the disorder, without assuming it means I'm a nut-case.


25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: 'This too shall pass'



26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: 1. Welcome, borderline is a bitch to deal with 2. People aren't going to understand it, and they will think your exaggerating when you tell them what Borderline is. 3. Wouldn't be a bad idea to find a journal, or something to vent to/in...it can help.



27. Something that has surprised me about living with a disability is: How much life didn't really change.



28. The nicest thing someone did for me was: Held me when I was going through a particularly bad bout of 'abandonment issues'



29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: Borderline is a 'Illness' that always gets lumped in with other emotional/mental disorders, and never really gets discussed on it's own.



30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: At the moment? Content.



Find out more about National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week and the 5-day free virtual conference with 20 speakers Sept 14-18, 2009 at www.invisibleillness.com/

Honestly? Yes, I would,simply because I read whatever I look at. Though I will say I don't, even though I do have his e-mail information.

Frankly, with my partner there wouldn't be much of a point, even if I were to suspect him of cheating. He doesn't like computers and checks his e-mail less than once a day, so there would be nothing to indict it there...and nothing of any real importance there either [No one e-mailing to say 'We just had a baby!' to him, they'd call, or e-mail me.]

As for my friends...I guess I might? It's never really been an issue, so I can't really say...and chances are I would just log them out to check my own e-mail.

By cutting the bastard out of my life completely after I miscarried his child.

Depends. If I'm around people I know fairly well, then I tend to be quite the attention seeker. But if I'm around people that I don't know at all...Well...I get very very shy.

I'm about to go through a quick f-list clean up, and, while I know none of you really read this, this is just saying if you get taken off, it's probably because we don't talk, and don't have much in common anymore.

Other than that, if you are taken off and want to be added back on, just comment under the 'Friends Only' banner.

I'd go,but I'm not sure about how long I would last. When I'm around people I know, I tend to be very talkitive but otherwise? I'm quiet around strangers, and I won't talk unless someone else is there.

So, when I'm around people it could be 3-4 hours or more depending on if they're talking, and what's going on.

By myself? I can go for days.

Okay, it's been a while since I've posted something about some of the 'deeper' [I guess] things I think about. [Or since I posted anything really.]

( I know it's long, but please read all the way through )

Of course that's all just thoughts based on what I've seen, and, of course, it's affected by my perceptions. ^_^

Oh! And I'd love to hear your thoughts on this! =D!

Find Out Which Disney Girl You Are! created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Megara Witty, smart, and sarcastic - this is so Megara, and also so you! Sometimes that smart mouth can get you into trouble, as well as getting you laughs from the people around you. Be very careful with this sharp tongue - it can hurt feelings and rub people the wrong way. It's no way to keep friends and lovers. You have a lovely strong personality under that sarcasm, let people see it! Tinkerbell 88% Violet 88% Megara 88% Belle 83% Alice 79% Mulan 75% Cinderella 67% Pocahontas 58% Jasmine 54% Jane 50% Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) 50% Ariel 46% Snow White 33% Esmerelda 21%

For some reason tonight I feel...blue.

I don't feel irritated, or upset, or anything like that. I don't even feel depressed.

Just blue.

I don't know why...and that doesn't sit well with me.

-sighs-

Actually I have an idea as to why. It's because there's a person I like. That I like a lot...and I have no idea how to approach her.

...

Bleh. What will be will be. I just need to distract myself...so I'll probably draw something tonight.

Hello hello, how are you? =D

I'm doing pretty well~ Started a new job a couple weeks ago [basically I'm an admin. assistant] it's going good. Other than that not much exciting has happened. Which could be a very good thing.

Only thing that's really happening today that's abnormal is...I'm getting to talk to someone on the phone! =D!

Yes, I do know how sad that sounds but...I've never talked to them on the phone before so I'm excited. =D -loves talking to people-

Umm...Other than that...I don't have much to say so...I'll post later!

Bye! -waves-

People confuse me.

[And the icon is for no reason other than I wanted to use it ^^;;]

Okay. I know I haven't updated in a long time, and that this isn't really an update...but.

Stop making me feel guilty for actually being happy for once, alright? I'm sorry your life is falling apart, and I'm happy to listen. But for gods sake stop trying to make me miserable too! My life is finally pulling together. I have a decent job, co-workers I already like, and I'm about to move out on my own again.

Stop acting like I'm a horrible person because of this.

If you keep this up, I will block you, and I will ignore your existence.

That is all.

Mmm...okay. Now that I actually, you know have access to a scanner I'll post some of the drawings I've done recently. I don't promise their any good but...feel free to look and critique [which doesn't mean you have to go into everything bad...Mentioning good stuff would be nice too]

Anyways...

( here it is )

I'll probably edit the post to add a few more drawings after I cheer myself up a bit with some stargate atlantis.

Give me a character from any fandom you know I am into and I will tell you:

✖ My favorite thing about that character.
✖ My least favorite thing about that character.
✖ One person I would ship them with in their own 'verse.
✖ One crossover ship for them I think would be neat.

GENERAL:
(001) Your gender: Female~
(002) Sexual orientation: Mmmm...Lesbian would be the best fit I guess
(003) Single? Nope~
(004) Do you want to be? No. :P I could deal if I was, but I'm quite content as I am now thank you.
(005) Your birthday: 02-06
(006) Age you wish you were: >>;; Considering I don't really pay much attention to age beyond legal and health matters...I don't think I really care. ^^;;

(007) Your height: 5'4"
(008) The color of your eyes: Brown to brown-green since they shift between the two.
(009) The color of your hair: Dark brown.
(010) Piercings: 2 one my earlobes, One in the cartilidge of my right ear
(011) Tattoos: No thank you.

DO YOU:
(012) Smoke? Uhhh...No.
(013) Do drugs? Fuck no.
(014) Read the newspaper? : / Doesn't get delivered out here sadly.
(015) Pray? ...Mmmm...Not exactly. I don't completely believe in praying. ^^;;
(016) Talk to strangers? Quite often actually. ^^ Is how I make most of my friends.
(017) Take walks in the rain? Not by choice mostly
(018) Drive? Yes
(019) Like to drive fast? 'Like'? No...But yes. I do tend to speed if no ones in front of me and I'm not keeping a close eye on my speed.
(020) Hurt yourself? Only by accident these days.

HAVE YOU EVER:
(021) Been out of the country? Yes
(022) Been in love? Mhmm~
(023) Done drugs? Er...No. That wasn't how I got high
(024) Gone skinny dipping? Yes~ And loved it.
(025) Had any type of surgery? Sadly. >< I hated having them cut 4 adult teeth from my gums.
(026) Ran away from home? Ahh...7th grade. It was interesting.
(027) Played strip poker? I've played poker~ But not strip poker. ^^;;
(028) Gotten beaten up? ...
(029) Been picked on? Well...Yeah. : / Tends to happen when your not 'normal' in a very conservative town.
(030) Been on stage? A few times a long time ago.
(031) Slept outdoors? Yup~
(032) Thought about suicide? Yeeeeah. >>;; Landed me in the hospital those thoughts did.
(033) Pulled an all-nighter? Several times
(034) If yes, what is your record? Uhhhh....I *think* it was just about 2-3 hours under the 48 hour mark...But I wasn't really thinking straight at that point so. -shrugs-
(035) Talked on the phone all night? No. ^^;; My voice is usually pretty dead after 2 hours so.
(036) Slept with the opposite sex without having sex? Yup~ I used to all the time when I was younger. XDD;; My best friend growing up was a guy.
(037) Slept all day? Just the day after I ran away. When you get dragged home at 4:30 - 5 am after walking all night you tend to be *very* tired.
(038) Killed someone? ...>>;; Not directly?
(039) Made out with a stranger? No.
(041) Had sex with a stranger? See above answer.
(042) Kissed the same sex? Yup~
(043) Done anything sexual with the same sex? >>;; Yes....But what is none of your damn business.
(044) Been betrayed? Who honestly hasn't?
(045) Broken the law? ^^;; A few times
(046) Met a famous person? ...Not that I know of?
(047) Been on radio/TV? @_@ I don't think so
(048) Been in a mosh-pit? ...I might be crazy, but I'm not *that* crazy
(049) Had a nervous breakdown? ^^;; Yes
(050) Been criticized about your sexual performance? -_-;; Kind of?

APPAREL:
(052) Shoe brand: >>;; Whatever happens to be comfy and easy to move in.
(053) What are you normally wearing to school/work? -blinks- Normal clothes? A shirt and jeans.
(054) Wear hats? From time to time when it suits me.
(055) Are you guilty of judging other people by their clothing? Not usually.
(056) Do you wear make-up daily? I hardly ever do. ^^ Makes me feel like I'm suffocating.
(057) Favorite place to shop: ...@_@ Either Target or Paper Bear...Probably the latter.
(058) Favorite article of clothing: None~ I prefer being nude. -smiles- Well...Actually I prefer sleeping that way but...clothing @_@ Don't think I have one.
(059) Are you trendy? I think I'd be classified as more strange...or if they person doing it was feeling nice unqiue. I'm not rich enough to be 'eccentric' :P

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
(060) Life on other planets? Well...considering how big the universe is supposedly, I'd be surprised if there wasn't.
(061) Miracles? To a degree
(062) Astrology? Depends on the level of detail being used? ^^;; If we're talking just sun signs then no. Not really.
(063) Magic? Mmm...'Magic' per say? No...There are 'Magical' things that happen though.
(064) God? This is a bit strange but...I believe in higher being that's both male and female...I just tend to worship the female 'part' more often
(065) Satan? I have a very very hard time believing the concept of inherantly good, or evil [there are a few people that classify as the latter. ><] so...I'm more inclined to say no.
(066) Santa? Ahhh...When I was really young yes.
(067) Ghosts? Very much so
(068) Luck? Some days yes, some days no.
(069) Love at first sight? No...I believe lust at first sight.
(070) Yin and Yang? Yes
(071) Witches? Not the traditional halloween witch~
(072) Easter bunny? I'm not sure I ever did. ^^;;
(073) Fidelity? Yes, even if American society only pays lip-service to it.
(074) A pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? Metephorically~

LOVE:
(075) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title? Not particuarly.
(076) Do you remember your first love? ^^;; Yes
(077) Still love him/her? Thank god no
(078) Do you consider love a mistake? Only with the wrong person.
(079) What do you find romantic? Uhhh...I'm not particularly romantic...But...I guess...Having a good discussion about things that actually *matter* to both parties...And...Uhh...Hell I don't know.
(080) Turn-on: >>;; A good discussion...and maybe dirty talk? ^^;;
(081) Turn-off: Jumping straight to the deed. ><
(082) Do you base your judgment on looks alone? No. I've known a lot of people that I wouldn't have if I did that.
(083) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out? I guess? I just wish that it was acceptable for whoever to ask out whoever they had feelings for.
(084) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive? I'm not the best judge on that. ^^;;
(085) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking? I really have no clue, and I'm not really sure I care.
(086) What's the last present someone gave you? -grins- Secret.
(087) Are you in love? Yes

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON:
(088) That you laughed at? Keisha
(090) That turned you on? Err...if you count me being pervy then Van.
(091) You went shopping with? Jessica. XDD;;
(092) To disappoint you? ...No comment
(093) To ask you out? Van. XDD;;
(094) To make you cry? ...Again, No comment
(095) To brighten up your day? Mmm...I think...it was either Ai-chan or Joy
(096) That you thought about? -sighs- Van.
(097) You saw a movie with? Er...I haven't seen a movie in *ages*. The last one I saw was Stardust I think. ^^;; And that was with Grandma.
(098) You talked to on the phone? Grandma. XDD;; About picking me up from class after the Admin didn't tell anyone about the campus switch. ><
(099) You talked to through IM? Joy. XDD;; [See? You made the Meme. -snorts-]
(100) You saw? Not counting Grandma [who I live with] Keisha
(101) You turned down? -blinks- Uhhh....No one recently that I know of

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU:
(104) Smiled? A real smile? I'm not sure...Fake smile? Work probably.
(105) Laughed? Umm...
(106) Cried? Yesterday night. ><
(107) Bought something? Today at work. ^^;; Teacher supply store job = really cheap office/school supplies.
(108) Danced? Today while waiting for a receipt to print.
(109) Were sarcastic? Me? Sarcastic?
(110) Hugged/kissed: No comment.
(111) Talked to an enemy? Not recently. >>;; I try to avoid them you know.
(112) Watched your favorite movie? ...To long. T__T
(113) Talked on the phone? Yesterday
(114) Listened to the radio? Today. XDD;;
(115) Watched TV? -blinks- Uhhhh...A really really long time?
(116) Went out with someone? XDD;; Monday.
(117) Helped someone? Today
(118) Sang? A freaking long time ago.
(119) Said "I love you"? Yesterday...
(120) Been drunk? One time, years ago [I was a preteen], on a trip with my parents my dad gave me a glass of beer and told me to drink it down. First and last time I was drunk. I plan to keep it that way.

SEX:
(120) Are you a virgin? Depends on your definetion I guess
(122) If not, how old were you when you lost it? If no, how old would you like to be when you lose it? Physically? About15 ...And...I have no clue since it's never really mattered. Can't change what happened.
(123) What is the kinkiest thing you've ever done? No comment
(124) What is the kinkiest thing you'd like to do? Again, no comment
(125) Favorite position? -blinks- Don't have one
(126) Describe your idea of seducing your mate as a surprise: Nakedness is always nice. XDD;; But...A nice massage would probably be the first thing that came to mind
(127) Describe how you'd like to be seduced: By a surprise seduction. >P
(128) Share a fantasy: >>;; Mmm...Bondage with some mascohism on my part maybe? There are other ones that I'd rather not say where this many people can read. ^^;;
(129) Would you consider having a "pet"/slave? ...I might after I was comfortable with my partner in sex...But only as a role play thing during the actual event.
(130) Would you consider being a "pet"/slave? I probably would once comfortable.
(131) Do you remember your first kiss? My technical first kiss I don't remember. XDD;; But It's a funny story involving me, and one of the other kids at the day care.
(132) What is your favorite intimate thing to do? Cuddle~
(133) Assuming you masturbate, do you use toys? Um. No.
(134) Ever masturbated in public? >>;; No...Not fond of the thought someone might be watching.
(135) Ever had sex in public? Again not fond of the thought.
(136) Would you want to? ...If, for some really weird reason I was extremely horny in public...Yeah, then I probably would.
(137) Ever watched someone have sex [not a porno]? >< Never seen...But I've heard my parents going at it quite a few times.
(138) Has someone ever watched you have sex? Dear sweet heaven I hope not.
(139) If you could make a porn film, what would you call it? 'So-and-so does such-and such'? I don't know. @_@ Never thought about it.
(140) Ever used Food in your sexual play? No...But it would be fun to try?
(141) Ever do Role Reversal? Kind of. But...ah...I'd rather try it properly.
(142) Ever used sex to get what you want/need? No. >< Don't plan too.
(143) Ever used sex as a weapon? Eh...No.
(144) Ever flashed someone? Possibly.
(145) Ever been flashed? Yes. : /
(146) Ever call a sex number? -snerks- As a class joke once.
(147) Would you consider having a 900 number? NO!
(148) Ever woke up the next morning and went WTF?! ARENT U MAI CUZIN??? Nope. All my cousins are way to young for that to be a problem at the moment. XDD;;
(149) Ever dated someone just for the sex? No.
(150) Are you glad this survey is over? Yes
(151) Think it could have been longer? It could've I guess...But this was nosy enough. :P

I know I've said this before...But...I think the 'perfect' life is probably that of a well loved stuffed animal. That really does seem like the perfect life to me. ^^;; Even if stuffed animals aren't alive.

I mean...You are loved. Even if, when your owner grows older, you get set to the side more and more often...At least you have those memories. And your never hurt, not emotionally. And physical hurts are easy enough to fix.

Just a little thread and all is well again.

...To bad humans aren't that simple.

And to bad the person I really wish would see this...isn't going to. -sighs-